Last week I read on the internet that Kid Rock had died. He was killed in a fire that officials thought was caused by a meth lab. Kid Rock killed in a fire making methamphetamine.
“Kim,” I yelled, Kid Rock died, he was killed making methamphetamine. And we just saw him on the CMA awards.”
Last night I was sitting in bed on the internet again and I read that Kid Rock was running for the Senate in the state of Michigan.
How about that? Last week he was killed in a fire and this week he is running for the Senate. Not only that but he was planning a tour to promote his candidacy.
I read last year that Donald Trump was running for president.
Then I read that he won!
It’s amazing what happens in this land of ours!
The biggest thing in the news today is how the Russians influenced my vote.
It had to have been subliminal forces at work:
“Vote Da for the Myshka…”
“Vote Da for the Myshka…”
I don’t know, it’s too complicated for someone of my aptitude.
And they say Trump Jr. had something to do with this diabolical plot.
Agent: “Mr. Trump Jr. please sit down in this chair.”
Trump Jr.: “No, no not the lights…!”
Agent: “Yes the lights. Mr. Trump Jr. you met with a Russian attorney in your office?”
Trump Jr.: “Maybe”
Agent: “Was there anyone else at that meeting?”
Trump Jr.: “Yes, a Russian operative”
Agent: “So now you are saying that you met with more than one Russian in your office?”
Trump Jr.: “Well, yes, substantially”
Agent: “How many Mr. Trump Jr.?”
Trump Jr.: “Ten maybe..?”
Agent: “Ten Mr. Trump? Seriously why not 15?”
Trump Jr.: “Because the North Koreans were taking up too much room.”
Agent: “North Koreans?”
Trump Jr.: “Yeah there weren’t many chairs left.”
Agent: “Now you are admitting there were North Koreans at the meeting, was there anyone else at the meeting?”
Trump Jr.: “Yes”
Trump Jr: “Two guys from Jersey.”
Agent: “Two guys from Jersey…where are these two guys from Jersey I want to talk to them?”
(Confronts the two guys from Jersey)
Agent: “Are you guys from Jersey?”
Agent: “What part of Jersey?”
Agent: “You really want me to believe that you guys are from Hoboken, New Jersey?”
Agent: “Where did you get that accent, you don’t sound like you are from Jersey?”
Guy: “Was once Russian, no more…from Jersey…is Hoboken.”
Agent: “Okay so what’s your name?”
Agent: “Benny? That’s original, what’s his name (other guy)?”
Guy: “Is Benny too”
Agent: “Okay, so Mr. Trump Jr. you are saying you met in your office with ten Russians, five North Koreans, and two guys named Benny from Jersey…was there anyone else? (Turns up the lights)
Trump Jr: “Okay, okay I will tell you but just turn off the lights!”
Agent: “Who Mr. Trump Jr, who?”
Trump Jr.: “Boris and Natasha”
Agent: “Boris and Natasha? Seriously, was Rocky and Bullwinkle there too?”
Trump Jr.: “C’mon now don’t be silly, Rocky and Bullwinkle were not there that’s ridiculous!”
Unbelievable stuff right? And so sinister.
But it’s crazy:
Kid Rock dies in a meth fire!
Donald Trump runs for President!
Kid Rock runs for the Senate!
Hillary involved in Pizzagate!
Donald Trump becomes President!
Russians influencing me to vote for Mickey Mouse!
I need a break, I think I will go sit down on the couch.
Me: “Alexa, I am so sick of politics…let me hear something from Bruce Springsteen.”
Alexa: “I thought you said were sick of hearing about politics?”
Me: “Okay, okay, how about Over the Rainbow?”
Alexa: “Whatsa matter your arms broke? What do I look like a Juke Box? Does my shirt say DJ Jazzie Jeff on it?”
Alright I was just messing with you again, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet you know…
“Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true”
They do I guess, that’s nice…now where was that post that had John Kasich winning…?