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Nineteen Fifty Four Revisited

Nineteen Fifty Four Revisited

Seventy-two years ago, on January 29, 1954, the weather, according to my mother, was similar to what it was like today.  My father was driving her to the hospital because, apparently, my brother Carl was ready to join the party.

In addition to the bad weather, however, the other problem was the car, which was having issues.

My father was afraid that if he had to stop, he would risk the car stalling, and my mother would not make it to the hospital in time. At one point on the trip from Oceanport to Monmouth Medical Center in Long Branch, he had to evade a train blocking a crossing, keeping the car moving and finally delivering my mother to the hospital.  Shortly after dropping her off at the hospital, the customary practice at the time, the car broke down.

While my father worked on getting the broken car back home to Oceanport, my brother Carl was born.

 

Now, seventy-two years later, this week’s bad weather is the reason I am spending my brother’s birthday with my mother.

I have been in this situation before.

Like in September of 2023, when I had to contemplate letting my then 89-year-old mother navigate her way alone through Tropical Storm Ophelia.

Of course, I couldn’t.

This week, with record low temperatures, snow, sleet, and freezing rain blanketing the Washington, DC, metro area and the Eastern Shore, I was facing the same guilt.

After days of many phone calls and many requests for her not to leave the house, I finally got some information out of her on a Wednesday evening phone call that seemed to indicate maybe the situation in Woolford was worse than I had previously thought. I decided to go out the next morning.

I arrived this morning to find branches down and everything covered with ice.  Ice thick enough to support the weight of my truck as I entered the driveway.

 

This was a weird storm, and once again a weather event I had never experienced before.

Like my first ice storm when I was sixteen; the Derecho in the summer of 2012; the “Sting Jet” we experienced with Tropical Storm Isaias in August of 2020; this was a new one for me.

Never before had I ever seen accumulating snow change to hours of accumulating sleet which is what we experienced in Northern Virginia, different than the freezing rain event here on the Eastern Shore.

Accumulating sleet is different than snow, it’s slippy, hard to shovel, it’s heavy, and when it freezes, it is almost impossible to remove.

So, Monday, after chopping a few inches at a time with my long-handled ice scraper and removing the chunks with my snow shovel, I managed to clear my driveway and my sidewalks.

On Tuesday however, the snowplow decided to make another helpful pass on my side of road blocking my driveway again, only this time with literal boulders of frozen sleet and snow.  The normal implements of snow removal were no match for what was blocking my driveway.  So back in the garage I went to get my axe and proceeded to chop the ice boulders up into quarters and eighths so I could pick them up and move them out of the way.

 

With everything in Herndon seemingly under control, it made the decision to shift the focus to my mother’s ice storm easier. The timing couldn’t have been better.  Sharing my brother’s birthday with my mom was nice. And she was quick to share stories.

 

On a quick trip to the post office on Monday afternoon, I saw a woman attempting to clear her driveway using a dustpan.  Yup, nothing but a dustpan.

I guess things could be worse; I should quit my complaining.

I often hear people say, “I can’t wait for it to snow so I can just sit in the house and watch the snow fall and not worry about going anywhere.”

That works, I guess, until you have to go somewhere.

Which is most of us most of the time.

Because just like my father trying to get my mother to the hospital and needing to keep moving or risk having a baby in the car, we feel like we need to keep moving, keep doing, or face some consequences.

Someday maybe.

Someday, maybe we won’t feel the need always to have somewhere to be, always to have something to do.

A day when we can clear our driveways with dustpans and not axes.

And if we feel the need to go somewhere, how about we get there by revisiting stories.

Because stories travel well, they keep us moving.

 

 

Butch and A Couple of Chrissies

Butch and A Couple of Chrissies

Five years ago today, my good friend Joe passed away. I wrote a couple of essays about Joe at the time. One was called “Hey Butch…Get Me a Beer.”  Joe’s grandfather used to say that.  Joe’s family-given nickname was “Butch.”

My daughter Alexa called me one evening recently.

Christian had just come in and pointed out to her, “you don’t have a nickname for me like Ethan,” (Ethan is often called Ethie).

And so, Alexa explained to Christian how my brother Carl was called “Chrissie” because there were two Carls in the family.

My father’s name is Carl, so when my parents wanted to call my brother Carl, in order to avoid confusion, they began calling him “Chris” right out of the gate. My brother Carl was called Chris or Chrissie by our family members and most others who knew him as a kid, all his life.

And when Alexa finished explaining how her Uncle Carl got the nickname Chrissie to Christian, he pondered that and as he left the room he declared that he too would also like to be called “Chrissie.”

A good choice of a nickname in my opinion, but some big shoes to fill.

 

I always wanted to have a nickname growing up.

I thought having a nickname would be cool.

There were a couple of older girls who lived on the end of my street who, when I was young,  called me “Curtie.”

But that really wasn’t what I was going for.

I wanted something way cooler like Dusty, or Kid, or Tex, or Chick maybe.

No, “Curtie” wasn’t going to cut it. But that is pretty common, right?  You add the “ie” sound to a name and you get Joey, Matty, Patty, or even Chrissie.

Or maybe it’s a modification of your last name.  Like if your last name is Knepper, they might call you “Knep”.   Or maybe it’s Natale and they call you “Nat.” I think all of us in my family got called “Chris” at some time or other as an abbreviation for Christiansen.  But since my brother’s family-given nickname was Chris that had the potential to cause some confusion. We couldn’t all be called “Chris.”

My dad has a cool nickname.  His nickname is Mo.  I asked him once how it is he got the nickname Mo but at the time he couldn’t remember.  He once told me in the Boy Scouts they called him “One Chop Mo” because he could cut through a branch with an axe with one swing.  Maybe the fact that my grandfather’s name was Carl as well had something to do with him being called Mo.

 

There were motorcycle gang nicknames like “Nails” and “Dirt.”

And organized crime has some cool ones too like “Joe Bananas,” “Scareface,” “Bugsy,” or “Ice Pick Willie.”

How about the Top Gun nicknames?  “Maverick,” “Ice Man,” “Goose,” and “Hangman.”

And we can’t forget the Jersey Shore music scene nicknames like “Mad Dog,” “The Boss,” “The Big Man,” or “Miami Steve.”

Nope, no “Curties” in that bunch.

Then of course there are those nicknames that were bestowed on kids by other kids. As kids, we thought them to be harmless. Looking back maybe they weren’t always so.

Maybe they were in fact, mean.

Those would be nicknames like “Babbles” for a friend who stuttered, “Oafy Tom” for a friend who was larger and clumsier, or “Rabbit” for a friend who might have had some distinct facial characteristics.

I guess it’s true that not all nicknames are cool.

 

I never did get my cool nickname, though for a time back when I was still in Jersey I was being called “Little Mo” by some.   And my good friend Joe or “Butch” modified that a bit, he called me “Moses.”  He would always draw out the Mo part.

Maybe if I had stayed in Jersey something might have stuck.

Some years ago Savannah started calling me Spunky.  That kind of stuck with the kids anyway.

And I suppose Curt is a nickname for Curtis, so I guess I had one all along.

I am still just happy it wasn’t “Curtie.”

 

I am sure Christian will live up to his new nickname should he choose to keep it.

Maybe we will have a couple of Chrissies in the family.

And it was nice to remember my friend Butch on this day and my brother too.

It’s hard to believe it has been this many years already.

When we were kids, thankfully the hot summers seemed to go on forever, but of course, they didn’t.

Now whole years fly by like they are just passing seasons.

And though the prayer below reminds us “it is in dying that we are born to eternal life,”

still, I miss them both.

Postscript:

I was Googling a little while writing this and I found the website of The Mob Museum in Las Vegas.  On the Mob Museum website you can answer a number of questions and based on your responses they will generate a mob nickname for you. I did it a couple of times.

One time it came back Curtis “Trigger” Christiansen.

That one sounded too much like a horse.

But then another time it generated Curtis “The Gun” Christiansen.

Now we’re getting closer!

“The Gun”

A Void

A Void

I hadn’t planned on writing anything today.

In fact, I was hoping to avoid it.

Of course the first thing that pops up in the morning, not that I needed it, was the reminder from Facebook.

Then the nice back and forth texts from the siblings “Thinking of all of you today” and the phone calls, “how are you doing today?”

 

Kim still describes her grief after Donny as like having a bowling ball shot through the chest.

There’s  a hole there now, a big one.

The size of bowling ball.

A void.

 

But life doesn’t stop does it?

And that may seem cruel sometimes.

There is no  “Hey, wait a minute, I’m grieving here!  Before you just move on and forget, let’s think about how I am feeling!”

Nah, there’s none of that.

Because life needs to go on, right?

There are others that need to experience their sadness, and maybe I need to experience more.

There are others that need to experience their joys, and maybe I need to realize some of my joys too.

But life doesn’t wait for us to say “okay, I’m ready now, you can proceed, let’s get on with it, I got this.”

 

So I guess the reality is, as much as I might try to…

I can’t avoid the void.

 

But in my sadness and still disbelief, and in spite of the void, I can’t forget what is really important.  I can’t forget all those happy times, the words of encouragement, the support, and maybe most important thing, his example.

I can’t complain, nope I can’t dwell on the negative.

Because as I have said before,  he wouldn’t want that.

 

 

So Happy Birthday to my “Cancer Brother.”

Happy Birthday, Carl.

And like your shirt says, you were very brave.

Brave and so, so much more.

And that is why today, instead of trying to avoid it, I need to celebrate.

So, you would be very proud to know, that for us to celebrate,  I spent more than five bucks on the bottle of wine I plan to open later.

And, I may even drink mine out of a jelly glass.

 

Postscript:

Void, a noun*

  • An opening, a gap, and empty space
  • A feeling of want or hollowness
  • The quality of being without something

 

Or maybe…someone.

 

*Merriam-Webster.com